


In the Process of Mourning and Mending

by serindipitysays



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, quite a few of them actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 12:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20966555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serindipitysays/pseuds/serindipitysays
Summary: When all of time and space is at your disposal, sometimes it's hard to remember that time spent mourning is time well spent.





	In the Process of Mourning and Mending

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyPaigeC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyPaigeC/gifts).

> A Tumblr prompt from LadyPaigeC (PaigeNotBlank) who requested Prompt #76: “What the hell does my mom have to do with this?”

“I can’t even look at you right now.” Rose stormed through the TARDIS door, slamming it behind her and into the Doctor’s face before he could put a hand out to stop it.

She was already flipping levers and smashing buttons on the console to send them back into the vortex when the Doctor finally crossed the threshold into the ship, closing the door more gently than she had. She could just hear his whispered_ ‘She’s sorry, dear. She didn’t mean to hurt you. She’s just upset.’_ as he stroked the door gently.

Rose flipped the dematerialization lever with a bit more care than she had the door. Once she heard the familiar sounds of movement she placed her palms against the console. She breathed deeply, allowing her thoughts to settle and her mind to open as she reached out to the ship. _I am sorry,_ she thought clearly. _I’m not upset with you and I shouldn’t have done that._ She felt a gentle caress against her mind and smiled softly at the ship’s touch.

Rose could feel the Doctor standing behind her even before she’d turned around. The air between them was tense, almost burning with her anger and his frustration. She could sense him watching her, his eyes boring into her back willing her to turn to face him. She knew what his face would look like, all puppy dog eyes and apologies. His hair would be swooping across his forehead making her want to tuck it back as she trailed her fingers down his cheek. She shook her head against the familiar pull. She wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet.

“I need space.” She said simply at his continued silence.

She heard him sigh behind her and pictured him running a frustrated hand through his hair. “Rose, I’m sorry, I just wanted-”

“Please, just stop.” She held up her hand but still refused to face him. “Every nerve in my body is still calling out to slap you so if you don’t want that you better stop talking.”

“Okay, Jackie.”

Rose turned to face him then and she could tell he regretted his words immediately. “What the hell does my mum have to do with this?” She all but growled as she put her hands on her hips. A sharp stab of pain hit her in the heart and she had to remind herself to breath.

“Everything!” The Doctor finally shouted as he turned and threw his hands in the air. “Do you ever have that little voice in your head that says you should or shouldn’t do something? Do you know what an annoying _blessing _it is to have that voice be Jackie Tyler?”

Rose quirked an eyebrow as she watched her partner pace about the console room. She could still feel the anger and tension coursing through her but it was beginning to wane slightly as she could feel his own pain radiating off of him in waves. He stopped and wrapped his hands around the railing across from her. His back was to her now and she could see the rise and fall of it with each ragged breath. He hung his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“I could have lost you today, Rose. Again.” His voice was quiet, pained. “Do you know how many times I’ve had to lose you? I’ve lived for over a thousand years and the only thing that has ever hurt more than losing you was Gallifrey. I couldn’t go through that. Not again. But you were so determined to stay. So determined to be in that room with me even knowing you might die.

And then I heard Jackie’s voice in the back of my head. Making me promise that you’d be safe. That I’d always get you home. That I’d always take care of you. I made a vow to her, Rose. Not unlike the one I made to you. I promised your mother that you’d be safe even when I knew that I would break that promise over and over again. And I know she’s gone and maybe that vow went with her, but it’s like, even though I know she’s gone, that fact is making me need to keep it all the more. One last piece of her I can hold on to.”

Rose felt all of her anger wash away from her in an instant. In its place was a sorrow she’d only recently buried.

_When Gallifrey had been restored the possibility of travel between universes had been brought along with it. Life in the parallel universe had not always been an easy one for Rose and the rest of the Tyler family. The Doctor’s Metacrisis, John as he had taken to calling himself, had been killed on a mission for Torchwood, leaving Rose alone once more. Pete had been the next to pass, though this time of old age and peacefully in his sleep. Tony had moved away, making a new life for himself in Australia with a young man he’d met at university, leaving just Rose and her mum. As if it was always meant to be that way._

_And then the Doctor showed up on her doorstep, just like he had so many years before. He told her about Gallifrey, about his travels with Amy and Rory, about the years he’d spent never forgetting her, and if she wanted to, the TARDIS could be home for her once more. He told her he loved her and when he kissed her she kissed him right back. Jackie had not taken it lightly, knowing her daughter was off for the stars once more, but she understood._

_“The Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS. As it should be, yeah?” She had said with a sad smile as she hugged and kissed them goodbye. “I like your face, by the way. Bowtie’s ridiculous though.”_

_They crossed over frequently after that. Managing to come and see Jackie multiple times over the next few years until one day they knew it would be the last time. They stayed for three weeks. The Doctor, still not used to the slow path, finally admitted to Rose that he didn’t mind it so much after all. While she took care of her mother, he took care of them. He made them all breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Tucked blankets around the pair when they fell asleep watching old reruns of The Golden Girls. Spent hours upon hours in the TARDIS medbay trying to do everything to stop the inevitable. Rose’s lifespan had been changed by Bad Wolf, but no such miracle was around to save Jackie Tyler._

_And then she was gone. As peacefully in her sleep as her husband had gone. Rose had been inconsolable. She’d gripped at the Doctor as he wrapped himself around her, cradling her as she cried. He’d whispered soft words, gentle words, words telling her it would be okay even when it all sounded like a lie. Eventually they’d returned to the TARDIS. They floated in the vortex for a time before finally deciding to land on some faraway planet that neither had been to before. Emotions were still high, unprocessed, and it had all ended right here: Two broken souls calling out for comfort and a bit of peace._

Rose stepped forward and laid a hand gently over the Doctor’s. In a moment he was wrapped around her just as he had been that night but this time she was comforting him, whispering words of comfort to him, words she knew sounded like lies. _It’s okay. It will be okay. _She knew the Doctor had lost many people in his many lives. She also knew it never got any easier and yet he always tried to remain strong, sometimes too strong, holding himself together so tightly that he eventually broke under the heavy armor he’d wrapped about himself. She could feel him breaking now, his breathing hot and heavy against her neck as he sobbed into her shoulder.

“You have to know, you must know, how much my mother trusted you, Doctor. She loved you. Every you. Because you always did exactly what you said you would. You always brought me home.” Rose stepped back and braced her hands gently around the Doctor’s jaw. She rubbed the pads of her thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away the tears that still fell. “Sure, sometimes you got the timing a bit off, but you always got me home.”

“Twelve months is not twelve hours.” He said with a chuckle.

Rose felt her heart swell as she finally brought her hand up to brush his hair out of his eyes. All of the anger and frustration of the day replaced with a mixture of sorrow for her mother and adoration for the man before her. A man that, though sometimes callus and rude, had cared for her mother as deeply as she had and had not yet given himself the time and space to mourn.

“And you know what else she thought?” Rose asked and smiled softly at the confused shake of his head. “The Doctor and Rose Tyler, in the TARDIS, as it should be. We’re a team, love. Mum knew that. My home is here now. Here with you, wherever that might lead us. So if you think that sending me away, that trying to save me by tearing me from your side, is what she would have wanted then you missed everything she was telling you in the end.”

The Doctor swallowed hard but nodded his head against the palm of her hand. He wasn’t okay. Not yet. The wounds of losing Amy and Rory were barely healed, and now to have lost her mum on top of it… it was going to take time. Rose smiled gently as she placed her hand in his and began to pull him down the hallway.

“Where are we going?” He asked as he followed her willingly.

“We are going to make some tea and then curl up on the couch in the library. And then we’re going to talk. You’re going to tell me all about the amazing times you had with Amy and Rory and I’m going to tell you about growing up with the amazing woman that was Jackie Tyler. And we’re going to laugh, and we’re going to cry, and then we’re going to be okay.”


End file.
